


Christmas special: A Servant must love his Master (separat story)

by kao_nyh



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Durin Family, Family, Fluff, Fun, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kao_nyh/pseuds/kao_nyh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short story about Fili and Kili celebrating Christmas with the family and some occurring problems. - fluff, fun and serious talks, no sex, no violence -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Call me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Servant must love his Master](https://archiveofourown.org/works/943815) by [kao_nyh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kao_nyh/pseuds/kao_nyh). 



  
**Chapter I** oOo

More than two years had passed by since the night as both stood in the rain. Kili found himself relying more and more on his servant Fili, who would accompany him wherever the young heir went. Pretty unusual to allow a servant even to come to official meetings and family celebrations which would turn out quite embarrassing, Kili still ordered him to tag along with him. Family celebrations would always offer very good opportunities for a good laugh if uncle Oin would play on his accordion vamping by his son Gloin, who was a pretty good singer. Or if Dwalin, the assistant of Thorin would begin to tell stories about young Kili's childhood as he was trying to build a castle with dog poo and swamped Thorin was trying to hold him back.

His guardian ever since Kili's parents had died, had no choice to refuse the adoption and would never have let this thought cross his mind. Kili knew that Thorin had loved his sister like no one else in his life, but he also knew his uncle was overwhelmed by the how much Kili resembled Dis and Thorin sometimes found it difficult to look at Kili's face. At times, Kili felt the same, despite Thorin's beard; he still looked very much like his sister. But Thorin's eyes and his lips were so damn similar to his mother's that he had often cried if he had seen his uncle as he was younger and the memories of the loss about his parents were still vivid and had kept him awake till deep In the night.

And even Bifur and Bofur knew stories about the time as they taught Kili how to sail a sailboat and how to drive a pleasure craft as the young heir had visited them in his holiday; and even how he had feared the big octopuses living in the deep dark water underneath their boat. On one of these trips as the weather was nice again Bifur and Bofur took a long swim in the blue water and as Kili saw movement under the water the young boy screamed and whined like hell and shouted that his uncles should come out of the water or they would get eaten by an octopus. Kili, only six years old, got a boathook and watched the movement under the water while he trembled like a buoy in the waves, but still tried to protect the two men in the water who were looking curiously around about the boy's reason to scream, but wouldn't get their asses out of the sea. Only when Kili began to plead they should come on board again, still armed with the boathook, the two men listened and obeyed and it took several attempts for the two of them to calm the small boy down as they pulled him in an embrace, comforting him with chocolate and a heroic story about dwarfs who defeated a dragon. Not on this or any other day he saw a real octopus, but it still frightened him to think about what could live in the dark of the seas even though Kili loved to sail and to boat. But as a result of his fear he never jumped off the boat and took a swim, he would always remain at the boat protecting his family.

Well, these were stories among others and Kili was glad he wasn't the only topic during those family celebrations even though it seemed his stories were the most amusing ones. He even saw Fili smirking and his eyes softened again when the servant listened carefully while those stories were told and the pipes of his uncles were glowing and steaming like in the Victorian century.

It was Christmas Holidays that time as Kili went off his usual path to deal with his servants. It wasn't a secret within the family that he had consumed servants like other would consume toothbrushes or chewing gums. So, it had been a real surprise as his uncles saw Fili coming along with Thorin and Kili for the second time as they arrived at Bofur's mansion this year. It wasn't as specious as Thorin's, but it still had several bedrooms, a huge kitchen and a pool for their summer holidays. Enough space for all the Durin men and their family. Even though Kili pretended to have no relatives he still had Thorin's family with grandpa Balin, Thorin's cousins, uncles and their kids. Playing with the kids in the snowy garden as well as having hockey matches on the frozen lake were as enjoyable as listening to grandpa Balin's stories or making wafers with Bombur who could entertain a bunch of kids just with making funny noises or weird faces.

Ever since Kili was a kid he felt as if he could at least be his self here in Bofur's mansion around his family. And Fili gave him the feeling it was alright to laugh wholeheartedly and to discard his arrogant mask he had when around people who only cared about Kili, because they were interested in his money. Yes, Kili ran around in the huge house, chasing the kids who were screaming with laughter if he finally caught them and tickled them all over or if the kids took him by surprise and were chasing him with snowballs or pillows or even more harmless things. The outcome was mostly the same. They had a pretty good laugh and would ran around grandpa Balin, snatching cookies they weren't supposed to eat before lunch and heading off to the garden or horse stalls outside.

But since they all were Bofur's guests they had to obey his house rules. And this year he told Fili to call everyone by their first-names and he forbad Fili from wearing his usual black suit, thus he had to wear casual clothes which Kili saw for the first time since Fili's employment two years ago. Kili had to admit the blond looked pretty cool, although he appeared a little nervous and uneasy around all those people who weren't his family. It also seemed that Fili felt quite useless if he was relieved from his usual task to serve Kili in the mansion, but not being able to join them as a part of the family as well, because he felt bound to unseen walls he was not able to climb by himself.

So he offered his help as often as he could in the kitchen and cut tomatoes or carrots for Bombur's cooking or helped Bofur feeding the horses even though they explained several times he could take a rest and enjoy his holidays as a normal member of the family. But Fili would reply he didn't take a day off, because if he had, he would spend his holidays with his... well, maybe alone. He had no family left and his friends would have been busy by Christmas. Of course, he wouldn't say that in public in order to not make them feel uneasy. Kili knew that Thorin was well aware of that fact, too and that he had maybe told the others about Fili's situation. It wasn't as if they pitied the blond, but as if they already accepted him to be part of the Durin's since he was always with Kili over the past two years. But Fili still behaved like an outsider even if they stayed over five days now in the mansion and no one ordered him to do anything. But Fili would still be on guard if he saw Kili's glass was empty or got his Master's dirtied clothes into the laundry or tidied up his room after the brunet got up.

It was just before breakfast as Kili went into the kitchen. He already had expected to meet Fili there as well as Bombur and Bofur who were preparing tea and hot chocolate, as well as toast, croissants, jams, cheese, fruits and several other delicious dishes.

"Just relax, laddie," grandpa Balin just told Fili as Kili entered the kitchen. "You don't have to do it, acting as if you were my grandson's servant. Just enjoy the time you are here, take a walk, have a ride with the horses or play with the children. If that's too childish for you, you could go on a hunt with Dwalin. He wants to go with Thorin this evening."

"Hope, he got us some rabbits for supper," Bombur muffled as he put a delicious looking and lovely smelling cheesecake on a plate.

"Pheasants would be nice, too," Bofur said as he put some cups on the tablet.

"Will you pluck the feathers, Boffy?" The sturdy red-haired man replied with a raised brow.

Kili had to restrain from laughing as he heard how the older brother had just called the dark-haired man who used to smile all the time, not because he was a sly and mendacious person, but because it was just him: lovely and candid, a man who would always try to see only the good in everyone and everything. Maybe Bofur was one of his favorite uncles, but he knew this wasn't true. He loved every one of them.

"Maybe I can convince you with a fine Whiskey from Kentucky I brought with me by chance and you'll do the plucking yourself."

"Oh, Whiskey?" grandpa Balin said and looked really interested to Bofur. "I hadn't a good one for years."

Bofur's face turned into a wider grin. "I guess we will have some anyway after lunch."

"That's a good lad," Balin answered amused.

Bombur opened the fridge which was also overloaded with food, juice and milk and other stuff and pulled a bowel filled with strawberries out. "I'm not into Whiskey as you should know, my dear Boffy. But I may take this as a possibility if you give me your lemon gravy recipe."

Fili didn't join their conversation as usual, he just took the tablet with the plates and cups into the dining room still not seeing the brunet in the other doorway.

"The recipe? It's a family secret, Bommy!" Bofur said with played indignation.

"I'm your family, too, you airhead," the older scolded him as Kili passed the huge kitchen.

"Mornin'", Kili said not stopping.

"G'd mornin'," Balin replied as he watched his grandson passing by.

"Hey, Kee."

"Morning, lad," the other both said, too. "Fili is in the dining..."

"I know. Thanks." Kili bit his lip as he recognized the glances the three older men exchanged between each other, but he didn't care. They were his uncles and grandfather, so of course they would be worried or at least cared for his doings. But most of all they seemed to know Kili more than he knew himself.

He found the blond in the dining room where he was laying the table with Bofur's wife while the kids were sitting under the Christmas tree Thorin and Dwalin brought from the woods one day ago. It appeared Dwalin was pretty skilled with the ax and really useful even beyond his usual job as his uncle's assistant. "Good morning, Mara."

"Oh, hi, Kili," Bofur's wife replied with a friendly smile. "You fine? You look a bit pale."

Surprised, Fili raised his head to have a look at Kili. The blond appeared as splendid as before in his casual clothes.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." Kili couldn't help but drummed on the chairback. "Could I borrow Fili for a moment?"

"Of course. Is my husband still playing with Bommy in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"They will never grow up." She sighed heavily, but couldn't resist winking at the brunet.

"No. But I think that's their greatest point, Mara."

"Oh, you have no clue what Bofur's greatest point is." The middle aged woman laughed loudly as Kili blushed.

"I guess, I don't want to know _that_."

"Ya, ya. Now go. I can handle this myself." She waved her gentle hand and concentrated on the tableware again.

"Please, excuse me," Fili said politely before he went around the table and tagged along behind the brunet. They put on jackets as they entered the foyer and left the mansion just a minute later. The air was cold and freezing, but the sky was still blue and clear without clouds covering the sky. Somewhere were already kids building a snowman. Their voices could clearly be heard from over the huge garden at the background where Mara could have an eye on them.

Kili didn't need to wait for Fili to follow him, he just did it since he wanted to talk to him.

"We shouldn't go too far away," Fili said after a while as Kili didn't show any interest in speaking first. "Breakfast is almost ready and I haven't prepared your coffee yet, Master."

"Is that all you are concerned about?" Kili replied coldly.

"I care about your welfare," the other said while walking next to the brunet.

"Oh, fuck that!" He could barely hide his anger as he turned to his servant. "This is Bofur's house and his wish is that you behave like one of the others, like one of the family. Why are you still acting so servant-like?"

Fili had put his hands in his pockets and seemed a bit irritated. "Because I am your servant. The fact wouldn't change even if we were in China or Ireland."

"But you are rude if you reject his friendly offer to call them by their first-names and even behave like you are part of the family."

"But I am _not_ part of the family." His blue eyes darkened for a second, only so short that Kili thought he was mistaken.

"I know that, but..."

"Master, you know about my circumstances and I would be glad to have a family like this, but this isn't mine. I can't pretend I belong to them, to the Durin family. This isn't me."

Kili pressed his lips together and carefully watched the blond man who stood in front of him. He was nearly his size, but his shoulders were a bit broader and his hair still longer than Kili's. He didn't admit it in public, but in secret he had grown his hair, because he liked Fili's long hair even though he would wear it in a ponytail all the time. "We are not at our home, I mean, this isn't the mansion I live in," he corrected himself as he was well aware that he just called his home _our_ home. "These aren't the rules we made, but Bofur. I could order you to obey him, but I guess this wouldn't make it easier for you."

"No." Fili confessed low-voiced.

Kili bit his lip as he looked at the ground. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"My name."

"I said it a lot over the last..."

"No, just my name."

"I never..."

"Just say it."

Carefully, Kili observed his face and saw that the blond slightly blushed. He never said it without addressing him politely. And it seemed to be too difficult. Normally, he wouldn't care a damn about how he was called, but two reasons made him want to hear his name from Fili. First, because Bofur told Fili he was part of the family and should behave like one of them even though Kili thought it was more difficult than at first glance since he wasn't really biological related to family nor married to someone. His second and most import reason to be so adamant that he was called Kili by him was that he wanted to break the ice between the both of them. Even though Fili was a servant, Kili felt like he wanted more. More than just Fili's obedience. He wanted to see Fili's true face and not only his cold and well-mannered side. And moreover he needed to hear his name from Fili's mouth for a reason.

Sighing lightly, Kili shook his head. "Fine. Take as many days off if you want and leave. I won't hinder you if you want to go. You already had to celebrate Christmas with us the last two years, so..."

"It's not like that," Fili interrupted him. "It's just..." He shifted uneasily as he scratched his neck and avoided to meet Kili's eyes. "I have my principles."

"And those forbid you to call me just Kili?"

Fili didn't dare to nod, but this proved Kili right as he stood silent.

"I thought it would close the gap between us if you'd just call me by my first-name, but it seemed I was wrong," the young man said angrily and disappointed at the same time. "You should depart as soon as possible. I won't force you to stay here any further if you feel so unwell crossing your principles."

"Kili!"

The brunette's heart skipped a beat. For at least half a second he really believed Fili managed to jump over his own shadow and forgot about those damn principles. Why did he care about them so much if he was disobedient at some times, too? "Kili!" another voice screamed again. He turned around and saw Nathar and Toba running his way followed by Saba, Ali and little Gimli throwing snowballs at them. "Help us!" Nathar yelled. Another snowball fight was about to start if things would go the way they usually went. Even though Kili didn't feel like it, he raised his arms and started to run into their direction to join their little fight. He couldn't care about Fili's response at the moment and he didn't want to see how the blond took his leave into the mansion. He had never liked to see Fili leaving or even his back. Somehow it made him feel lonely and miserable. He loved his family and being together with them, but somehow he habituated to Fili and his present and Kili knew he would miss him.

As he reached Nathar and Toba he had already prepared a snowball which he threw at Saba, Bombur's oldest daughter. She ducked and threw another one at Toba who was already hiding behind Kili. The brunet shielded the younger kids and took their hands. They dashed through the garden followed by the three children led by the red-haired Saba. But as Kili saw, the two boys, both not older than seven, on his hands were too slow, he pulled them into his arms and was able to run even faster.

It felt good to put space between himself and Fili. It was as if he had held his breath next to him as Fili wasn't able to call him by his name. It had really hurt him and his silence had felt like stitches in his heart, as if it was a pincushion.

Soon they found the snow wall they had built two days ago and jumped behind the wall already preparing snowballs for Saba's gang. Dwalin was chopping wood with an ax and watched Kili and the other two boys carefully. "You need help?" The tall man asked with a grin.

"If you like," Kili replied, but already saw the glimpse in Dwalin's eyes. Even though he was Thorin's assistant he was able to forget about that during the Holidays and behaved just like one of the other family members. So why the hell couldn't do Fili the same? Didn't he like him? Was it all just a job for him?

Saba, Gimli and Ali took their positions behind the other wall of snow and began to prepare balls for themselves.

"Two adults against three kids? Pretty unfair," Thorin growled as he joined Saba's group.

Kili and Dwalin grinned over their walls, but already ducked as Thorin threw a snow ball in their direction as big as a honey melon. Naturally, he didn't use his full power nor did he compact the snow together like a lump of ice, because there were still small kids around and he didn't want to hurt them. Neither of them did.

"Your aim was been better in old days, Thorin!" Dwalin yelled laughing at the dark-haired man who would be his chief in several days again, but now they were friends and even beyond.

Why couldn't Fili join them? Damn! Why couldn't he just come across and stay at his side like he usually did?

Thorin made another movement and hit Dwalin just on his forehead. "Hah! Still good enough for you!"

Kili didn't miss his chance as he saw his uncle distracted with his assistant and hit his shoulder. Thorin gave a short growl and ducked just in time as Nathar threw a ball at him, too.

Small and big, fluffy balls were flying through the garden followed by screams and giggles from different ages as their real fight started. They were soon covered in snow and even Bifur who had just arrived at the mansion joined Kili's side and enjoyed being with his family to his fullest.

"Help!" Saba yelled as she saw Kili, Dwalin, Bifur, Nathar and Toby behind their snow wall on the other side of the garden. "We are outnumbered! Uncle Thorin, do something!"

"Khazâd aimênu!" Thorin called and as if the others had awaited his exclamation Bofur, Bombur, Balin, Oin and Gloin joined them, not only on his side, but on Kili's side as well. And even a few kids were also coming out of the house, some of them only wearing a pullover and a scarf or with chocolate around their mouth.

No Fili.

Kili was hardly able to hide his disappointment as he saw all the men joining their little fight. Even grandpa Balin was with them and seemed to enjoy the sight of his beloved ones playing with each other wholeheartedly. This was what made Kili's family so special. The mutual feelings between all of them. No kid was hurt this day or on any other day. Everyone took greatest care of the other, the older helped the younger or the other way around so that no one had to take any disadvantages. They were one family. Kili didn't get why Fili couldn't join them. He just had to!

Looking around in a split second he found that the sides had already loosened themselves, they weren't just fighting from snow wall to snow wall but the younger chased the older ones or he saw how Bombur build a small snowman with his youngest child and Gloin. Saba laughed loudly as she saw Nathar stumbling over his own feet, but also helped him instantly to get up again and was covered with snow as Gimli passed her by.

"Unfair!" Saba squeaked and rose to her feet. Now, accompanied by Nathar as well they ran after Gimli who giggled as he saw Saba and Nathar following him in a trap he and Ali had prepared.

It didn't last long until Mara called them from the terrace to at least have breakfast before playing in the snow. And she was right. Dwalin and Oin looked pretty hungry and Bifur said the last time he had eaten was before he had left Chicago twelve hours ago. But Bofur couldn't prevent himself to drag Bifur to the ground and wrestle with him in the snow. Both brothers laughed and screamed of joy and only Mara was able to get them apart. They all were wet, red-faced and pretty happy. Something like this united the family like nothing else. Well, maybe eating together.

Kili was the last who took his leave. He still had hoped Fili would appear, but maybe he was still in his room packing his belongings.

A fluffy, but cold snow ball hit his neck and Kili turned surprised around. He knew everyone just went ahead and couldn't imagine who did this.

Fili.

Almost shyly he stepped forward and had just another ball in his hand. "I'm sorry, for taking so long, Ki... Kili," the blond said, hesitating and with a blushing face.

"Don't do that ever again!" Kili growled as he whipped the wet snow from his shoulder and neck. Fili's aiming had been perfect he admitted as he was well aware that the snow was sliding under his shirt already melting by his body heat.

"Oh, I am... I am sorry," Fili mumbled as if he just recognized his fault that he had thrown a snow ball at his master.

"Idiot." Kili stretched out his tongue and managed to smile at him. He was just glad to see him and to hear the word he had longed for for some days now "You could have joined us earlier."

"Yeah, I thought about that," the blond confessed kicking a little snow with his foot to the side.

"But?"

"It took me a pretty long time to think about that."

"Well, I guess, that's just you." Kili shook his head and perked his eyebrows up.

"May I stay now?" The young man dared to come closer, now that he saw Kili wasn't angry with him anymore.

"If you don't behave like a servant for the next couple of days."

"I'll try."

A door slammed shut inside the house and something was instantly rumbling on the snow loaded roof. Kili and Fili looked up the same time, but only Fili was able to move quickly. He jumped just in time and shoved Kili along. The speed let them both fall in the snow a few meters away as a heavy avalanche fell from the roof to the spot where Kili just stood. A little snow from the avalanche was dripping on them, but most of it landed just next to them. It was mixed with icicles and frozen snow, too and it would have hurt Kili if Fili hadn't such a capacity of reaction.

Fili breathed heavily in the crook of Kili's the neck. The younger just realized that Fili was lying above him still covering his body and also still pulling him into an embrace to shield his neck and head. The shock was still written all over Fili's face as he raised his head and looked into Kili's face just an inch from his away.

"You okay?" the blond asked with eyes wide open.

"I'm fine," the other mumbled not sure if he began to tremble, because of the shock or because Fili was resting on him. His plush lips and delicate nose were just too near to his face. Even his blond hair was tickling his sensitive skin. Too near.

But Fili made another step and leaned his head on Kili's forehead. "I'm glad. Really," the blond confessed. "I would love to stay here with you. I won't care for any servant-related things and won't behave like one. But at least let me brew the coffee for you."

Kili fought with himself. He wanted to touch Fili's cheeks, to kiss his wonderful lips or just to pull him into an embrace, too. He didn't dare. He had to stop his affection for his servant. Anything more than friendship wasn't allowed and even friendship was something pretty unusual. If anyone outside of his family knew about his feeling for Fili they would use the opportunity to drag him into a position he didn't want. He would become weak.

But it was Christmas for Mahal's sake! And who would know besides the both of them anyway?

Kili fought the urgent thought back which warned him to go any further and laid his arms around Fili's neck.

Being pulled into an embrace surprised the blond who gave a short but not unpleasant noise and didn't move anymore, he just stood still in this moment and breathed softly on Kili's skin. "Coffee is fine with me." The brunet replied after a few more breaths.

Kili's heart beat stronger and faster than before and he felt his cheeks blushing as well as some tingling in his shoulders, hands and abdomen. His body warmth was almost unbearable. It couldn't be that he loved him, could it?

"Happy Christmas, Kili," the blond mumbled still lying on top of him.

"Merry Christmas, Fili."

oOo


	2. Sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

  
**Chapter II**

oOo

With great pleasure Kili observed that Fili became part of the family over the following years. At first it seemed Fili returned to his usual calm and passive self he was used to show during his servant-period, during the rest of the year, but as he was aware that his presence was excepted, not only because he was Kili's servant, he seemed more relaxed and open than before. He even found Fili playing with the kids around the house and even telling stories about his past if he was asked or joined their conversations during dinner or while having long walks in the nearby woods.

It was a slow progress, but it became almost unbearable to see how he switched back to the servant mode on the first day of New Year. If he was cute and talkative just an evening before he would fall silent and calm the day after. And Kili hated it from his heart even though he knew it was expected in his position as a servant to distance himself from the rest of the family. He wasn't Kili's best friend anymore; he was just a mere servant.

So, Christmas became the time Kili was awaiting to come back every day, because he knew he would get back his casual Fili for two weeks. The one he loved the most in the world beside his family. But it also became the time he feared the most. With each year his feelings grew and he couldn't hide his feelings more and more so he had to toss him away as good and cruel as he could around the rest of the year to make Fili understand he was just accepted around Christmas. It was barbarous, but necessary to keep his distance from him. Even if Fili thought Kili had a split personality, Kili couldn't help himself. He knew no other way to act as professional as possible around the blond if he treated him bad and egoistical. Maybe if they behaved like friends all the year Kili wouldn't be able to pull himself together and just confessed his love out of the blue. He feared then that Fili would leave him out of disgust or shame or just treat him as coldly and stoned-face as a normal servant, no hidden smiles, no complaints about things Kili did, and no Fili. But he had to do it. He didn't want to be alone or with any other person than him. He even made an agreement with some girls to protect his little secret years ago.

Now, it was Christmas again. The seventh Fili attended together with him and the fifth they both spent casually as friends. And he was really thankful that Fili hadn't sulked about the time Kili almost fired him or as he had to wear that cupid costume four months ago. No, it all seemed forgotten even if Fili was allowed now to talk about the things which happened to him over the past year. But this wouldn't fit Fili. He would never complain so openly about something that had happened to him, only if Kili did something really stupid and if consequences would follow which were causing harm to Kili. _His_ Fili would stick to him no matter what, even if he was hurt.

And Kili was thankful. Thankful that Fili behaved like a friend. And sad at the same time that Fili made it only more difficult to act as normal around him as possible. He had an aura of courtesy around him if he was with the kids or felt finally as part of the family. And Fili was as lovely and kind as before. Especially, this year became hard to deal with him. So many bad things had happened to the blond and Kili felt as if even more things which were about to hurt Fili were about to follow next year. Above all he had a bad feeling about Samuel. He almost feared for Fili's safety and wasn't so sure if he was the right one to protect him or just the one who would toss him into the dragon' liar.

"Hey."

A well-known voice got him back from his thoughts in to reality. Kili blinked few times as he recognized that he had been staring at the sparkling white of the snow for a long time and accustomed his eyes to the normal daylight again. A tall young man with blond hair smiled softly at him with hands in his pockets. The air was freezing outside and still mild and became even more comfortable when he saw the tall man next to him. Fili was about to sit next to him on the bench as Kili answered with a smile.

"Why didn't you join the sleigh? I thought the kids had convinced you this morning to join them," Fili said while following Kili's gaze when he saw a snowflake falling down.

"Didn't feel like it," Kili replied. "And you? I thought you liked it. It seemed you had pretty much fun the last year."

"True. But neither do I feel like it since I helped Bommy in the kitchen."

"You had a taste of his pastries." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I had a taste of _every_ pastry," Fili murmured and sighed heavily while petting his abdomen. If that was even possible he could see that his stomach was slightly swollen under the thick dark coat.

Kili couldn't help but grin. He knew Bombur well enough to know his habits to feed everyone around him with his delicious cooking, especially if this one was someone like Fili. "He is only worried that you get enough to eat. It seems you lost weight over the last year and he was pretty fast aware of that fact."

"Really?" Unwittingly, Fili looked down at himself and even laid a hand on his abdomen. "I didn't recognize I lost weight."

"You did."

"Hm."

"Maybe you should make use of the vacation you didn't take. You don't have to hold back and just take your time to recover. This year had been pretty... stressful, so I really would understand if you want to go on more vacation next year." Kili said with lower voice.

"You sure about this offer?" Fili replied, almost amused.

"Well, I can't order you to stay in the mansion all the time if you have 21 days off per year considering our contract."

"And still, you don't like it if I'm not around you." Fili's smile didn't vanish, but some flame was glowing in his blue eyes.

Even if he tried to hide his blushing while looking away he couldn't hold back the blood which was rushing into his head. "No."

"Just no?"

"No, I don't like it. But I can't help it. And to compensate for the time you are away you have to deal with my mood afterward."

"Yeah, and sometimes it's freaking me out."

"Really?" Kili looked back at the blond sitting next to him on the bench.

"Of course."

"You never let it show in your face."

This time Fili laughed and his eyes were shining brightly. "What kind of a servant would I be if you could read my face so easily?"

"No robot at least." Kili was referring to that night when Fili was looking for his _cat._

"True. But I'm fine and I don't complain about my work. I like it."

 _Work?_ Kili bit his lips. The word left a bad taste on his tongue, almost bitter, but he stayed calm as he was used to.

"Don't do that," Fili said softly as Kili didn't reply anything but a friendly smile.

"Do what?"

"Treat me as if I'm one those people you do not like. Faking a face you don't feel like."

"Sorry," Kili answered apologetically.

Again, Fili sighed slightly as he didn't receive the answer he had hoped for. But as he saw Kili's stiff shoulders and his appearance he knew he wouldn't get any other response. "So, why are you sitting here, outside and alone?"

"I had to think."

"'bout what?"

Kili shrugged his shoulders. "Various things. The past, the present, the future."

"Wow. If I had known you were so deep in your thoughts I hadn't disturbed you in the first place. Shall I go?"

"What? No!" Kili replied, ruffled with eyes wide open. "You are not disturbing. It's nice to have a chat with you."

"Oh." This time it seemed it was Fili who was blushing and refusing to meet eyes.

"Do you want something in particular as you were looking for me?" Kili asked watching as another snowflake landed in Fili's blond hair. His head was so hot the crystal flake almost melted in a few seconds.

"No. Uhm, I mean yes." His friend blushed again as he pulled something small out of his pocket. As far as Kili could see it was a self-wrapped little package with a little ribbon, but he could tell it wasn't something Fili had bought in a shop. And it wouldn't suit Fili, too.

"What is that?"

"I know Christmas is just in a few days, but I thought I should give you this a little sooner." His red cheeks were getting even more colorful and Kili had to restrain from smiling too much. He couldn't hold back a grin anyway, but he managed to keep his head at least a tiny bit cool.

"You never gave me a present." Fending, Kili waved his hand. "No offense, really. But I just wonder why now."

"Open it and you will see," the blond responded with a sheepish smile.

Curious, Kili opened the small package especially slow to tease his friend a little who was waiting eagerly for Kili`s reaction. The crackle of the red enriched paper filled the cold air and something green fell in Kili`s lap as he finally loosed the ribbon. "What is that?" Kili asked more himself than the nervous young man next to him. "Are these fingerless gloves?"

"Uh, yes." Fili watched carefully as the brunet was already putting them above his hands. "I made them myself. Ori, a friend of mine, told me how to do it. He is pretty good at knitting."

"You made them?"

"Yes. You told me once you liked self-made things, things you can't buy with money, so I thought this would be to your liking."

"It is! I love them! They are soft and fluffy and I like the color. I'm just surprised to receive a present from you." And even more he was happy that Fili made them for him. Every stitch that he did was for him.

Fili just grinned in response and watched how his friend was testing the material.

"When do you have time to knit?" Kili asked, prying.

"When you are not home or when you are too busy to boss me around," the blond said with a wide grin as if he didn't really care.

"Too busy to lord it over you? I can't imagine such moments."

"Why? Because it's your sweet, secret hobby?" Now, Fili and Kili laughed simultaneously, because even though both of them pretended it was a joke, they knew at the same time Kili wasn't able to live without him. Funny and sad at once. A fact which Kili had to acknowledge by himself first, that it was Kili who needed Fili the most and to have Fili permanently around he would order him to stay or to do something, even if it was just to read a report for him.

"So, why are you giving me these? I think I never mentioned that I liked something like this. Don't get me wrong, they are awesome!"

"Since you would usually pull the sleeves of your shirts above your hands if you are cold..."  
"I really do this?" Kili just gave him a short surprised glance before he turned his hands to watch the sleeves from each side.

"And if you are really nervous, yes."

"Maybe you are the only one who would see or be aware of that."

"Maybe."

"Even I don't recognize such a quirk. How...?" But Kili hadn't to ask. "Naturally, you are like my shadow."

"Shadow sounds a bit negative," Fili admitted with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, you are like my guardian some times."

"But sometimes I'm just like an annoying bug," Fili said with a light smile.

"No! Never." Kili pulled back and harrumphed loudly. "I mean, it's fine if you are around. You are not disturbing. And I don't see you as a bug or any other pests. You are who you are and I'm grateful for that, not in every second of my life but at least for most of the times."

"Hm."

"Not convinced?" Kili asked surprised.

"I don't know yet," Fili confessed and as he saw Kili's saddened face he gave him a soft slap on his back. "Don't look like that, Kili, please. I believe you. It's just..."

Still feeling his hand on his back Kili tried to concentrate. It was pretty rare that they touched informally. "What?"

"Let's not talk about... those things." He avoided to say _work_ again, because he had seen that it made Kili upset.

"But I want you to finish your sentences," the brunet said still wearing the fingerless gloves. He didn't intend to put them off until going to bed.

Shifting uneasy, Fili licked his lips. "It's just... It feels as if I'd talk to three personalities of you and they are all pretty..."

"Annoying?"

"Different. But please don't ask me which one I like the most."

"I won't ask such a question, because it would be just you if you'd answer you like each one of them regarding their personalities. No, I wanted to ask you about my third personality. I think I know two of them, but the third?"

"Oh." Fili felt his face blushing again and he wasn't so sure if he really liked the egoistical Kili, of course he liked the cute personality and the drunk version of his Master, but how could he tell him that? "Well..."

"Don't give me that. Just say it."

"Uhm, it's difficult."

"Spit it out, please." Kili looked at him with his big brown eyes under long, dark eyelashes and he knew Fili couldn't reject his wish.

"You know, if you drink you are not your usual self. At first you are getting really dominant, but the more you are consuming alcohol the softer and... clingier you'd become."

"Clingy?"

"Kind of."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

As if Fili had prattled something away he didn't want to say he bit his lips and avoided to make eye contact. He even blushed and his face got red like a cooked lobster.

"Fili... what did you mean? Come on, tell me. I have no memories about those nights when I drink too much. Sometimes I can't even remember the following day."

"That leads me to say you shouldn't drink so much," Fili replied with serious face.

"So, it's annoying you?"

It took two heartbeats until he gave a response. "Sometimes."

His reply felt like a slap in Kili's face even though he didn't get how he really behaved if he was supposed to act _clingy_. Did he behave like a horny, shitty terrier humping someone's leg or more like a... like what? A moth flying to the glowing lamp? Like someone who was in love with another? Kili frowned. It sometimes annoyed Fili if he was clingy? What was that supposed to mean? Did he cling on to Fili when he was drunk?

"Look, the others are coming back," Fili said and rose to his feet as he saw the sleigh and the horses driving to the stable. It seemed he was glad to have something to distract Kili from their conversation and it somewhat hurt him.

Kili didn't try to hide his disappointment, but got also to his feet. He wasn't so sure if he should sulk about Fili's _sometimes_ or just pocket his answer and act as usual. He yet thought about giving Fili his present back, but as soon as this thought came to his mind he dragged it back into the shadow of his mind. It would only complicate the situation which Fili seemed not to be aware of. Damn! He could at least answer his question before he left.

He hadn't even recognized that it had begun to snow. Big, fluffy stars were falling down from the sky and landed in his dark hair. Silently, Kili followed the man he loved silently inside the house where warmth and the smell of baked cookies welcomed them.

oOo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- to be continued -


	3. Why is he blushing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome! This is the final chapter and also an **alternate ending** for A Servant must love his Master.
> 
> No Fili was harmed by Samuel.

**Chapter III**

The following days were as fun as the last ones and even though Kili played with the growing kids and helped out in the house it didn't feel like the same anymore. It became awkward between the both of them and from time to time Kili got the impression his friend was avoiding him or fell silent as soon as he spotted him. Well, he was still friendly with him and talked to him, but it went never to the point where he was talking about private stuff or the time Kili was too drunk to remember anything. But Kili so wanted to know about this that he pulled himself together and searched for Fili in order to make him talk. In one or another way he would break through his wall of silent manner. He could order him... well, no. He wasn't his servant around Christmas. But he could still beg him to say him everything. They knew each other for so long and he should know the truth even if Fili received the impression he had to keep it to himself.

It was Christmas Eve, everyone was replete and sat at in the living room, took a walk or was reading in the library. Kili was looking for Fili who had helped Mara, Bofur, Dwalin and Bombur in the kitchen as they had finished dinner. But now it seemed as if he had just disappeared. With grim face Kili wandered through the mansion still in search for the blond when he heard Saba sobbing. Bofur's daughter, already a grown teenager at sixteen years sat in the corner of the sun parlor. But she wasn't alone and just the way Fili's voice sounded made Kili stop moving. He hid in the dark where he could still see them and listened silently when Fili spoke emphatically to the younger girl.

"Saba, it's fine. Please stop crying." His smooth voice almost made Kili shiver and he bent forward to have a closer look at the two of them sitting on the dark brown sofa.

"But it's just not fair," the girl said still sobbing, her eyes red from crying for too long. "It shouldn't be like this." Helplessly, she waved her hand and let it resentfully fall down in her lap.

Fili had laid a blanket around her and pulled her in his arms to give her the comfort of warmth. "I know," he whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Kili shifted uneasily as he was aware that he had never seen those two behaving so intimately before nor that Fili seemed to be a person whom the kids trusted and bore their hearts to. And even more he saw that Saba also wore such fingerless gloves which were the same color and same style like the ones Fili had made for Kili and which he was currently wearing by himself. He hadn't pulled them off since he had received them as a gift, only when he was showering. So, what was going on? Was he some kind of confidant now?

"So, why is it like this, Fee? Why? I don't understand this. It's so annoying to behave as if I don't have any feelings." Saba leaned her head against his shoulders. Tears were glistening on her cheeks as she cuddled closer to Fili who looked seriously worried for her. Admitting, Kili had never seen Fili making such a worried face mixed with understanding and dull pain as he kissed Saba's forehead again like a big brother would do. She called him uncle for a few years, too and maybe they were just close because Fili was more or less an outsider, not really related to the family but still close enough to bear her heart to him.

Kili's jaw almost dropped as another, inglorious thought crossed his twisted mind as he actually thought they were probably lovers. Saba and Fili. His kind-of cousin and his servant. No. Kili shook his head to get rid of his nasty, creepy thought. It couldn't be true. No and never. Kili had probably recognized if something between the two of them was going on. And Saba still was a child even though it was visible that she grew into a woman already. Fili would never start a relationship with her. So why the depressing mood and the gloomy face?

"I didn't intend to say this, Saba. But sometimes it's necessary to stay silent even if you feel as if you have to say something or prove your love for someone," Fili said still in his soothing low voice.

"But I want to... confess," the teenager admitted, sulking. "How are you able to hide your feelings, Fee? I mean since how long are you in love and hiding it as if you were a criminal?"

"Uhm, well." Fili breathed heavily like he did if he had to say something serious and it was obvious that he didn't want to tell her. "I'm just ignoring my feelings as good as I can."

"It looks so easy and you always appear so calm. But you are in love, aren't you?"

This time Fili smiled at her softly, squeezing her arm lightly. "If I wasn't able to hide them I don't know what would happen with us."

Kili closed his eyes and tried to understand what was going on. Both of them loved someone, how it appeared for a long time now, and they sat together like brothers in arms on the sofa, giving each other soothing and comforting words while everyone in the mansion was excited with the following Christmas day. Kili would have felt guilty if not another feeling had crept into his mind. Jealousy. Mentioning, that Fili was in love with someone changed something and Kili couldn't think about anyone the blond could have meant. It was definitively not Kili, so he felt certain and his certainty almost struck him like a lightning. But it wasn't him. It was just not possible. The way Fili was speaking with her about hiding his love and showing so much of his rare emotions that it appeared unlikely that he meant Kili. Someone wasn't just capable to hide his feelings for so long if Fili really was in love with him. Kili would have felt something radiated by his servant and friend, some special vibes or maybe a hint that Kili was his _one_.

But on the other hand, who else could Fili love if he spent most of his current live with Kili?

"Do you think you'd be thrown out of the house?" The girl asked curious and worried at the same time.

"Maybe. I'm not so sure myself. Depends on various things, I guess."

"Oh, Fee." She sighed loudly and grabbed his hand. "Why is everything so complicated? Why isn't love easy?"

"Easy as if you'd buy a shirt or dress?" Fili chuckled and placed another kiss on her forehead. The third in a row Kili noticed and even if he was her cousin and shouldn't be jealous, he couldn't help it as to be envious of a teenager madly in love with another guy but who could sit just so nonchalantly next to Kili's beloved.

"You think that is easy?" Saba growled and gave him a sharp look which was almost as impressing as her mother's.

"Ah, sorry. Didn't mean it like that. I'm a man, you know? I don't put as much effort in choosing my cloths as you," he replied apologizing.

"And still I don't get why you'd always look so splendid."

Fili shrugged his shoulders as if he still didn't care about appearance. "What do you intend to do about Luke?"

Luke? Kili started to listen attentively again. Who the fuck was Luke? Kili almost fell forward as he tried to listen more carefully to their talking.

"I don't know. Any good advice? I know that adults would always have a handful of advice in their pockets," Saba claimed almost annoyed and helpless at the same time.

"From me?" Fili asked while perking his eyebrows and dropping his shoulders just the second after. "I can't even help myself." His voice almost broke now and Kili felt pity for him. "How should I know how to deal with a seventeen year old boy from your school?"

"But you are an adult! You have some experience in love, don't you?"

Fili's cheeks were blushing in glowing red as she set her eyes on him. "A bit, I guess. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I had had a relationship before."

"What?" The girl squeaked surprised. "You are how old and had no real relationship?"

 _Good question, Saba._ Kili nodded silently and thanked her in his thoughts for her obvious question.

"It's complicated." Fili admitted still blushing.

 _Why the heck was he blushing so much?_ Kili wondered and still asking himself who the blond had meant.

"Just confess already. It's so obvious, uncle Fee." She pierced him with her eyes, but she also gave him an encouraging smile.

"You could do the same," Fili replied and nudged her shoulder slightly.

Saba rolled her eyes. "First you say I should stay silent, now you say, confess. You are not really helping, you know that?"

Kili chuckled, even though he shouldn't have done that. But he also couldn't hold back anymore and got to his feet. Even if he was supposed not to listen to their conversation, he couldn't deal with Fili's insensitive responses anymore. Obviously this guy knew nothing about love. Kili wasn't so sure if he was the perfect partner for this kind of talk, but at least he had had a few girlfriends before and he was in love with someone, too.

With hands in his pockets the brunet stepped out of the shadow and if he had thought Fili's cheeks were blushing before, he couldn't tell which other color was filling his smooth skin to make him red as a tomato. His calm Fili was blushing like a little girl. What the heck?

"Kee!" Saba squeaked as she saw her cousin who was already spotted by Fili. "What are you doin' here?"

"Looking for Fili," he answered honestly, but smiled at her. "May I sit down?"

"Of course, please have a seat," she mumbled, giving Fili a short glance as if she was asking silently if that was okay with him. Saba lifted the blanket and let him sit next to her.

"So, as your favorite uncle would you like to tell me who this Luke is?" Kili asked as candid as possible.

Now, both of them exchanged suspicious looks as she turned her head to Fili who bit his upper lip. "You heard about him?" She asked confused and a little embarrassed. "Him. Ehm, I mean Luke."

"Yes."

"What else?"

"Just that you have some problems with him."

Another exchange of looks between her and Fili, but Fili was already an expert in hiding feelings. He was hard to read like usual. "Uhm, yeah. You see, Luke is one year older than me, but we still went into the cinema five weeks ago and we were writing a lot sms, via facebook and whatnot," the girl explained, tugging nervously on her sleeves. "We had a lot of fun and sometimes he would even call me, but now since yesterday no new message from him, but I know that he had been online and read my messages I sent him yesterday and today. But he is still not replying to any of them. Thus I think he has someone else beside me, another girl or that I made him angry somehow. Maybe he is just ignoring me, because I wrote him something stupid. But he won't answer my calls and messages. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't want to nag him. On the other hand I want to write him all the time and ask him why he keeps a distance from me."

"Maybe, it's just as easy as it sounds, Saba. Just wait and see if he comes to you. Sometimes the other part needs his or her time to think about the stuff which had happened. And even if you wrote him something stupid before, if he loves you, he will forgive you easily." Kili was talking about himself and Fili and hoped the blond would get the hint. That he wanted to wait until, if that was even possible, Fili came to him to have an honest talk with him where both told each other the truth and where Kili could at least confess and reveal his true feelings for him. And just perhaps if Kili did something wrong in a disturbing way Fili would forgive him and tell him about Kili's annoying drunk-mode. "It should be that easy."

"But I don't want to wait!" the teenager claimed upset.

"Me, too," Kili admitted and saw that Fili's head turned to him the first time since Kili sat with them on the couch. "And now I see that it's wrong to drag someone to give a response. Some things have to be left unspoken, some things not. It depends on what the other part thinks." He wasn't talking directly at Saba as he spoke the words and Fili knew, too.

"How should I know what he thinks? Or if I'm just a nuisance to him? I want to write with him now and not tomorrow or next year." She said sulking, starring at her green gloves

"And then what?" Kili asked, giving her a challenging look.

"What what?" She turned her irritated face to him and furrowed her brows.

"You have to wait until he is ready to response. He will write you today if he really likes you."

"How do you know that?"

"It's Christmas. Luke will answer if you wait patiently."

Her face didn't look as if she was convinced. "Uncle Fee told me to confess," she replied almost sulking.

"Fili has no clue about love," the brunet said dismissively, but also knowing that he was teasing him.

"Ey!" Fili made in response, looking seriously hurt.

"What if she confessed and he didn't return her feelings?"

"I thought about that, too," Fili replied with a grim face. "Caring about the gossip at school if she carelessly confessed, but I came to the conclusion that she just has to take the risk if she truly loves him. Sometime it's jumping into the cold water and see what happens. Apart from that the odds are in favor for them."

"But it would get awkward between the two of them and how is she supposed to react if they met in school?"

"It will be fine." Fili said, convinced and calm. His eyes were strange. Maybe a bit too confident for Kili's taste, because even though he had planned to confess to Fili he felt like it was a great mistake. What if Fili began to hate him for that or what if he didn't believe Kili? The things Kili had done to him weren't always nice, but sometimes ordered in an act of protecting his pride and honorable family name. Sometimes he hadn't really cared about Fili, but just about himself. And he was truly sorry. So, most probably it would only lead him into trouble if Kili really confessed. And hadn't Fili anyone he loved, too? What about that?

"How can you be so sure about that? How can you be sure if there aren't any hints coming from Luke that he loves her?"

Fili shook his head. "They aren't kids anymore and he will be glad to hear her confession. I'm pretty sure he is waiting for some kind of confirmation before he moves on."

"No, she should wait and see what will happen."

"Maybe she waited for too long. They already went on dates and they kissed, too. Sorry, Saba, that I spilled it out, but it's the truth. She should confess to make clear that she loves him. A lot had happened between the both of them, but I feel like... she should take the risk first. Perhaps, he is just a bit shy and is waiting for something like that. And still remember that they already kissed. It has to mean something."

"What? They kissed?" Now, Kili looked confused at his niece even though he would have loved to discuss Fili's point of view a bit further he had to talk with her first. Confessing out of the blue? Was he serious? "Aren't you a bit young?"

She raised an eyebrow, like her mother. "I'm sixteen, not ten." At this moment her mobile gave a short noise. "Oh, a text." Picking the mobile out of her pocket, she skimmed the short message and frowned. "He borrowed his sister the mobile, because she lost hers, but went on a concert yesterday and had to call her parents afterward. Wow. So cute. He even sent me hearts and kisses. Look." She gave Fili the mobile who had a short look and nodded.

" _ILY_? Oh, I see. Problem solved," Fili said, remembering the abbreviation for _I like you_ or _I love you_.

"Yeah, but the both of you were pretty useless."

"What?!" Fili and Kili said with one mouth.

"Just joking. But Fili is right, it's time to tell him. And you, too, Kili. Waiting is not bad, but sometimes not the answer to everything. I don't want to stay friends or a lover forever. I want to be _his_ girlfriend and not something in between. And even more, I don't want another girl to snatch him away from me."

Kili wasn't so sure if she still talked about herself or about his feelings for Fili. She spoke about courage he didn't have unfortunately. But she raised and gave them a kiss on their cheeks, pulling her fingerless gloves off and gave them back to Fili. "Thanks for lending me these."

"Keep them if you like."

"Make me some in black. This color is more to my liking."

"Shouldn't you be liking pink or red?" the blond replied, smiling.

"Why? Because I'm a girl?"

"Yes?"

Saba grinned at Fili. "Merry Christmas you two."

Even if Saba was away for at least two minutes neither of them spoke. Outside the window was the howling wind which let the snowflakes dance in the light of dim lamps. Kili didn't know what to say. He still needed time to think about Fili's talk and he wanted, too, to ask him about his drinking behavior, but didn't intend to disturb the calm atmosphere between the both of. And Fili? He turned the gloves in his hand.

"I wonder about something," Kili broke the silence even though he didn't really know what to say and where their talking was leading to. "Why did she talk to you in the first place?"

Fili gave him a light smile. "Because no one recognized that she wasn't her usual self. She didn't even force Gimli to eat his carrots during dinner this evening."

"And she wanted to talk to you?"

"No, at first she didn't want to. But I told her about myself, because I saw it had something to do with her boyfriend and as she saw she could trust me she told me everything in return. I had hoped to be more of help, but I guess I'm pretty useless when it comes to give advices."

"Oh, I don't know if you'd get the uncle-of-the-year-award, but it wasn't that useless. At least she stopped crying." Kili tried to give him a smile. To be honest, it was a bit weak.

"So, you saw this, too? How long were you eavesdropping?" Fili asked suspicious while rising his eyebrow.

"Ehm..." Kili scratched his neck in an act to avoid meeting Fili's blue eyes. "Don't know. Maybe five minutes."

Blushing again, Fili pressed his lips together. "For so long?" he mumbled more to himself. "What did you hear?"

"First, answer my question."

"But..."

"Fee, please."

The blond opened his mouth and closed it as if he had changed his mind. "Fine. But it wasn't a lie as I told Saba it's complicated."

"You said, your relationship is complicated. Which relation...?"

"Our relationship, Kili." Now it was Fili who smiled weakly. "As I mentioned you'd get clingy I didn't mean it in a bad way. But, please, understand that I couldn't tell you so casually about this." He took a deep breath and began to tell him everything. From their first fight after Kili had left him in the restaurant and was so drunk that he kissed Fili as they laid on the ground next to his bed and mentioned other nights they had made love to each other as an act of amends. Fili felt so nervous that his voice became crackly and his hands were shaking like an earthquake. But Kili was as cool as a cucumber. He just sat next to him and listened to incidents he couldn't even remember. The blond didn't get into detail, but it was more than obvious that neither of them was treated to have sex with the other. But also this was the explanation why Kili would always feel so good after drinking so much that he had a blackout. He just had sex with Fili.

If he seemed to be calm on the outside, Kili's mind was a chaos. Questions over questions were spinning in his mind, but he wasn't able to ask any one of them. Just one he really wanted to be answered, but now that he heard the story, he wasn't sure if he wanted this one to be responded. The only thing he found disturbing was the fact that they only had sex as an amends. It sounded always the same. He did something wrong, got drunk and slept with Fili to pay for what he had done. Mistakes he had done in order to protect his pride. And the price was sex.

This wasn't love. This wasn't the love he had hoped to find. And Fili's words were just too sober as to interpret any kind of love between them. He didn't mention any of his feelings nor that he enjoyed it as Kili would. Just facts. Stoical and calmly told by him even though Fili appeared to be nervous.

Suddenly, Kili's stomach felt terrible and he wanted nothing more than to leave the room and to bring as much space between him and Fili as possible. He couldn't help it. He needed to go now. He didn't know what he had expected, but as he had seen Saba and Fili together and thought they were a couple for a split second, he had decided to tell Fili that he loved him. And now? Could he really do it like Fili had tried to convince Saba about confessing first?

But then he recognized that Fili wasn't speaking anymore and he wondered when the blond fell silent. Maybe he hadn't even heard his last words and the blond was awaiting some kind of response. But what was he supposed to say? He couldn't remember anything from those nights. He just could remember that he had found blond hair on his pillow one day even though he hadn't any woman in his bed before. That was Fili's?

"You okay?" Fili's low voice broke the silent like a thunderbolt and it almost made Kili jump.

"Wh... yeah, I'm fine. It's just... Maybe I'm hungry." Kili pulled back the blanket and got to his feet. His legs felt tired and even his shoulders were stiff. He wondered how long the both of them had been sitting there on the couch while Fili had been spoken. Half an hour? Even more than that?

"You can't be hungry," Fili replied frowning. "You ate so much pudding, it's just not possible. Not if you are not Bommy in disguise."

"You... how did you know?"

"You have to ask?" Now it was Fili who rose to his feet and let the blanket fall back to the couch. "I was sitting next to you during dinner. Don't you remember?" he even came closer to the brunet as he watched his face carefully.

But Kili avoided to meet his eyes. "If you mention it now..." His near was almost unbearable. They were sex partner nothing else. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Kee, please don't do that." Fili sighed heavily and laid softly a hand on Kili's shoulder and slowly turned him around. "Don't fake a face you don't feel like. I already told you, that I hate it. If you want me to leave I will go. It must be shocking for you to hear what we... what happened between us in the past, but you asked me to tell you, what I meant as I told you, you would become clingy. I didn't intend to lie to you. It's true that we sleep with each other, but I don't regret any of those nights. And furthermore I didn't do it because you are my boss, but because I really... wanted to do it. I can't help it. I feel guilty, that I kept it a secret for so long, but now I feel better to have told you the truth. Maybe I really have waited for too long."

Kili frowned as if he was thinking hard. His stomach still felt bad and his mouth suddenly went dry.

"Do you want me to go?" The blond asked timidly, but immediately Kili shook his head when he began to understand.

Instead, he pulled Fili's sleeve and dragged him along as he crossed and finally left the room with his friend. "I guess, Saba is right and much more experienced in such things," Kili said as they went through the floor. "We are real idiots."

"What do you mean?" Even though Kili didn't run and went fast Fili still felt breathless as he followed the young man through the sleeping mansion.

"I mean that we danced around each other for years," Kili replied.

The living room was dark and empty, but still the Christmas tree was glowing in different colors of fairy lights and Christmas balls were glistening in the light. It smelled of the forest since the needle fir was cut by Dwalin and Thorin just the day before and reminded Kili of journeys with the sledge through the woods when he was younger. The parents of the children already put their presents under the tree and the fire wood was still gleaming in red and orange in the chimney. But Kili didn't intend to go to the tree but dragged Fili with him until he found what he was staring at for half of the afternoon.

The Mistletoe.

All Fili could see was Kili's blushing face as he turned around and looked Fili into his eyes. "I intend to kiss you now, because I love you. If you don't want me then..."

"Oh, I so want you," Fili growled, already stretching his hands out to pull Kili's head in his direction. Their lips touched before Kili could even react nor make a sound, but his inside seemed to explode as soon as their lips touched and Fili held him close. Willingly, Kili pulled him into his arms and squeezed him onto his chest as if he wanted to crush his ribs. But Fili didn't hold back, too as he conquered Kili's mouth and tongue as if he was used to and kissed him with all his love and passion.

No doubt. This man was the real Fili. The man he had seen as they first met. Strong and wild, smart and passionate. Kili knew he had to make up for the time he treated him unfair, because he loved him too much as to show him his affection. He had felt like a child next to his clever servant and got jealous just too easily if Fili was with another person than him. But Fili was as trustworthy as his family members which Fili had become in the last years, too.

"I love you, Fili," the younger said, gasping for breath and blushing when Fili kissed him in response. Fili's kisses were strong and wild as he conquered Kili's mouth again.

A rustling noise behind the Christmas tree got their full attention and shyly they pulled away from each other. Saba's face appeared next to the tree as she looked at the two young men. "Oh, boys. It's so cute that you finally confessed, but I'm talking to Luke right now," the girl said a little annoyed. "Could you just go into your room and take your lovey-dovey-atmosphere with you?"

Totally blushing, Kili and Fili just nodded at the girl and Kili at least managed to mumble a "good night".

"What? No, Luke. I was talking to my uncles. They finally confessed. Yes, I told you about them... Haha, they are really sweet."

Kili couldn't believe it. She already told her boyfriend about them? Since when did she know about their mutual feelings? Had it been so obvious? And does his family know, too?

With raised eyebrow he looked at the blond man next to him, who just smiled sheepishly at him but grabbed Kili's hand as they left silently the room.

And it wasn't that far from the living room as Kili stood still as if he was thunderstruck. "Damn!"

"What?" Fili said more than curious.

"I forgot my present for you at home. I bought you a..." but he interrupted himself when he saw Fili's beatific smile and the small wrinkles around his eyes.

"I already got my present two minutes ago," the blond replied and gave Kili another gentle kiss.

****  
The End  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the three chapters and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this little piece of fluff. Maybe some things are not really well conceived, so I'm sorry about that. Tell me in the comments what you think about it.
> 
>  
> 
> **Happy Christmas and a happy New Year! I wish all of you a wonderful year 2014 and that your wishes will come true.**
> 
>  
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> Last but not least: Thank you Amy! You are the best! ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> \- to be continued -
> 
> (If you want to know to which event I was referring to, read chapter 11 and 12 from my original story (SmlhM), but be aware I rated the original story with "M"!)


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